Tuesday, June 29, 2010
Thursday, June 24, 2010
Home sweet home
As much as i love my dad and all of that family, i miss my friends, I am so ready to be back home. the only thing i have kind of planned is that at some point on saturday, i'm watching ghost hunters with alyssa. aside from that i am free so please, please tell me about things going on this coming week.
Friday, June 18, 2010
Stress
Maybe at my Dad's all this fucking stress will go away.
Sometimes I really fucking hate people.
Sometimes I really fucking hate people.
Friday, June 11, 2010
Today marks the end
Today is callbacks. I've been pulling up memories all day. Flash back to 2 years ago. I was a sophomore, excited and nervous as all hell. Flash forward to 2 hours later I'm singing and being judged, I knew I had a shot at making it, but i couldn't help but shake a bit. Nancy had us all sit down and called us up as groups. this was when it got really scary. I tried not to pay attention to the people waking in front of me, behind me just listening, I couldn't help but watch when one stopped near me and started writing something on their pad of paper, trying to imagine what they were writing. I was told to sit down. So, I managed to relax for a while. Then I was called up again, more nervous than ever. I wasn't told to sit back down. I stood up there for the rest of call backs. I made it in.
Flash forward a year, it's call backs again. I'm confident this time, I knew what I was doing. I got up, sang with my group and was promptly sat back down. Thats when i got scared. After a few rounds I was told to come sing again. I was decidedly more nervous but still kind of confident, I was sat down again after a few round, but shortly thereafter was told to come back up. I made it in again.
Flash back to the present. It's callbacks again, but this time, I'm not singing, I'm judging. I'm going to be the one scaring people, I'm going to be the one helping Nancy decide who gets in and who doesn't. I need to forget all that I know about the people auditioning and be un-biased.
Today will be so very bitter sweet, but that's kind of common now. I love what I do, singing with dubs, and I am realizing now, that I might make it so that other people who love singing too, might not get that opportunity and it makes me feel like a bit of an ass, but I have to do what will make the group as good as it can be next year. I need to pay attention to the people's voice, blend, vowels, if they are enjoying themselves and attitude. I'm not holding anything back today, i will be brutally honest and accept what comes with that.
Flash forward a year, it's call backs again. I'm confident this time, I knew what I was doing. I got up, sang with my group and was promptly sat back down. Thats when i got scared. After a few rounds I was told to come sing again. I was decidedly more nervous but still kind of confident, I was sat down again after a few round, but shortly thereafter was told to come back up. I made it in again.
Flash back to the present. It's callbacks again, but this time, I'm not singing, I'm judging. I'm going to be the one scaring people, I'm going to be the one helping Nancy decide who gets in and who doesn't. I need to forget all that I know about the people auditioning and be un-biased.
Today will be so very bitter sweet, but that's kind of common now. I love what I do, singing with dubs, and I am realizing now, that I might make it so that other people who love singing too, might not get that opportunity and it makes me feel like a bit of an ass, but I have to do what will make the group as good as it can be next year. I need to pay attention to the people's voice, blend, vowels, if they are enjoying themselves and attitude. I'm not holding anything back today, i will be brutally honest and accept what comes with that.
Thursday, June 10, 2010
I was right
Tonight was very bittersweet. I'm so proud of all of you who graduated. You'll do fantastic things in life. I'm so pissed at Nathan. I'm fucking done with him.
Sunday, June 6, 2010
Goodbyes
So, Junior Goodbyes ended not even and hour ago and i have so many thoughts running through my head. I'd like to say that i don't pick favorites, but i do, i really do. That brings me to this blog. I have 3 Juniors that I favor over all the rest and I want to say goodbye to them in some public form even though I'm hopefully going to be seeing them on Monday. So i guess I'm just going to start, this is in no particular order.
Kate- I'm probably going to sound kind of creepy for a bit of this, but that's only because I've know you for so long. As you were telling the story of how 2nd grade me confessed my love for you, I started thinking about how that effected me as life continued and I realized that even though the memory of that had slipped my mind and I didn't talk to you anymore for a long time, I actually ended up thinking about you a good bit. Every time that I saw David, my first thought was almost always, "i wonder how Kate is?" then i'd realize how creepy that was and i'd push it out of my mind. The you showed up at theatre and I didn't recognize you at first, then someone asked me, "Isn't that David's little sister?" and it hit me so i said, "You mean Kate? Yeah, David's her brother." I had wanted to talk to you for a while after that, but I always felt really awkward because I didn't think you remembered me, so I didn't for a really long time. The first time I remember actually talking to you after that (aside from the occasional hello or what not) you seemed really down, you were leaning up against the concrete wall thing outside the school, so i decided that i was going to ask you what was wrong. So, I came up to you and said one word, "Kate?" you seemed completely shocked so i kept going and asked you what was wrong. I could tell you didn't feel very comfortable so i ended early with, "well, if you ever need to vent, I'm available." I didn't talk to you for a really long time after that because i felt even more awkward. Then megan got you into the inner circle consisting of her, ryan, james, cassie and occasionally me and we started talking more and we became friends again and i was really happy. then that year ended and summer came around and we didn't hang out at all and then my junior year came around and i couldn't do theatre till Gypsy came around and at that point, I had became estranged to basically everyone but the people who were in choir so i didn't talk to anyone else. then came this year, lights meetings started and for the most part we didn't really interact at the start, then came this one night at a light's meeting for dracula that lasted till 1 but you had to leave early, on that night, we had the first real conversation we had had in a long time... and it was about breakfast cereal. we started talking more and more throughout the course of the year and you became one of the few people i wasn't afraid of being myself around no matter what the situation was. I feel like i can talk to you about anything and not worry about what you're going to say because you'll at least try to have a helpful response. I'm going to miss you so much.
Nick- I don't even know what to say to you. As you were taking me home i told you the story i'm about to tell the world. The other day, Jonathan told me about what you looked like as a freshman, for those who know him, imagine if you will a Nick van Eekeren who is smaller, wears pink shirts, has shorter hair that is slightly spiked with frosted tips. When i first saw this my immediate thought was, "wow... this kids probably a douchebag." Little did I know that that "douchebag" would come to be one of my favorite people. I've never had a problem being myself around you, I don't remember when i actually met you for the first time but i think it was in some way through will. Anyway, I've always been able to be comfortable around you, sure, i've felt awkward but not enough to make me upset or not comfortable. i don't know what it is but you are so easy to talk to and i don't know why i don't more often. You told the story today of how you were in the bays and were talking and i said, "God?" and you thought, "cool, Josh Cole thinks i'm God!" Truth be told, had it been another person, i probably wouldn't have done that. I would say that you are one of my closest friends, but i don't talk to you enough for that to be true, you are one of my close friends though and we can easily change that. Now that i've thought about it, i think i remember the first time I actually hung out with you. it was at wills house, if i remember correctly, over the summer when there was that meteor shower. you might not have been there but i think you were... It doesn't really matter how we me though, we did and that's what does. I just remembered our plan to swap places one day! you were going to get platform shoes and a nose job and i was going to change my hair style and after that became an established look for each of us, we were going to switch and i would be drum major for a day! we have to hang out this summer, maybe have a Sonic marathon or something to that effect. I'm going to miss you immensely next year.
Alyssa- I get the feeling that yours is going to be the shortest and it makes me sad. You and I are twins separated at birth, there is no denying it and we don't. To think that i only really started talking to you like 3 or 4 weeks ago. We were on Facebook and you chatted me up and said something along the lines of, "by extension we are now best friends" and my immediate reaction was, "I think this will be fun" so i think i said, "i'm down with that" or something like that. Look at us now, it's coming true! I know i can come to you about anything and we'll end up spinning off in some weird direction that takes us to a completely different topic and that path will only make sense to us. As you were saying your Junior Goodbye to me, it looked like you were about to cry and i realized that I might have had the potential to break the 8 year streak after only a month of really being friends. I almost broke down there but we were to busy being crazy for me to not be smiling. I don't even remember how the Wacky Waving Inflatable Arm Flailing Josh hug (i am so sick of writing all of that so i'm just going to start abbreviating it to the WWIAFJ hug)but i'm so glad it did, I'm pretty sure you are the only person i have a hug that crazy with and it wouldn't work with anyone else, it wouldn't feel right. I think the memory of you that will stick out the most whenever i think of you will be that day i was feeling really down so you made it your mission to cheer me up, it started working with the text that said "be ready for a cheer josh up extravaganza" That hour or so was amazing! cinnamon rolls, sobe, cookies n' creme candy bar and fantastically fun conversations worked so well to cheer me up. You've seen the more crazy side of me that not very many people see and you have taken it full stride and seemed to have fun doing so. you put up with all my worries and it helps a lot. The only thing that sucks is that most of the time we interact it is through text, we need to actually hang out more! I'm amazed at how much i'm going to miss you!
Well... that's really all that was on my mind. now i'm lonely... i guess i could go to bed...
Kate- I'm probably going to sound kind of creepy for a bit of this, but that's only because I've know you for so long. As you were telling the story of how 2nd grade me confessed my love for you, I started thinking about how that effected me as life continued and I realized that even though the memory of that had slipped my mind and I didn't talk to you anymore for a long time, I actually ended up thinking about you a good bit. Every time that I saw David, my first thought was almost always, "i wonder how Kate is?" then i'd realize how creepy that was and i'd push it out of my mind. The you showed up at theatre and I didn't recognize you at first, then someone asked me, "Isn't that David's little sister?" and it hit me so i said, "You mean Kate? Yeah, David's her brother." I had wanted to talk to you for a while after that, but I always felt really awkward because I didn't think you remembered me, so I didn't for a really long time. The first time I remember actually talking to you after that (aside from the occasional hello or what not) you seemed really down, you were leaning up against the concrete wall thing outside the school, so i decided that i was going to ask you what was wrong. So, I came up to you and said one word, "Kate?" you seemed completely shocked so i kept going and asked you what was wrong. I could tell you didn't feel very comfortable so i ended early with, "well, if you ever need to vent, I'm available." I didn't talk to you for a really long time after that because i felt even more awkward. Then megan got you into the inner circle consisting of her, ryan, james, cassie and occasionally me and we started talking more and we became friends again and i was really happy. then that year ended and summer came around and we didn't hang out at all and then my junior year came around and i couldn't do theatre till Gypsy came around and at that point, I had became estranged to basically everyone but the people who were in choir so i didn't talk to anyone else. then came this year, lights meetings started and for the most part we didn't really interact at the start, then came this one night at a light's meeting for dracula that lasted till 1 but you had to leave early, on that night, we had the first real conversation we had had in a long time... and it was about breakfast cereal. we started talking more and more throughout the course of the year and you became one of the few people i wasn't afraid of being myself around no matter what the situation was. I feel like i can talk to you about anything and not worry about what you're going to say because you'll at least try to have a helpful response. I'm going to miss you so much.
Nick- I don't even know what to say to you. As you were taking me home i told you the story i'm about to tell the world. The other day, Jonathan told me about what you looked like as a freshman, for those who know him, imagine if you will a Nick van Eekeren who is smaller, wears pink shirts, has shorter hair that is slightly spiked with frosted tips. When i first saw this my immediate thought was, "wow... this kids probably a douchebag." Little did I know that that "douchebag" would come to be one of my favorite people. I've never had a problem being myself around you, I don't remember when i actually met you for the first time but i think it was in some way through will. Anyway, I've always been able to be comfortable around you, sure, i've felt awkward but not enough to make me upset or not comfortable. i don't know what it is but you are so easy to talk to and i don't know why i don't more often. You told the story today of how you were in the bays and were talking and i said, "God?" and you thought, "cool, Josh Cole thinks i'm God!" Truth be told, had it been another person, i probably wouldn't have done that. I would say that you are one of my closest friends, but i don't talk to you enough for that to be true, you are one of my close friends though and we can easily change that. Now that i've thought about it, i think i remember the first time I actually hung out with you. it was at wills house, if i remember correctly, over the summer when there was that meteor shower. you might not have been there but i think you were... It doesn't really matter how we me though, we did and that's what does. I just remembered our plan to swap places one day! you were going to get platform shoes and a nose job and i was going to change my hair style and after that became an established look for each of us, we were going to switch and i would be drum major for a day! we have to hang out this summer, maybe have a Sonic marathon or something to that effect. I'm going to miss you immensely next year.
Alyssa- I get the feeling that yours is going to be the shortest and it makes me sad. You and I are twins separated at birth, there is no denying it and we don't. To think that i only really started talking to you like 3 or 4 weeks ago. We were on Facebook and you chatted me up and said something along the lines of, "by extension we are now best friends" and my immediate reaction was, "I think this will be fun" so i think i said, "i'm down with that" or something like that. Look at us now, it's coming true! I know i can come to you about anything and we'll end up spinning off in some weird direction that takes us to a completely different topic and that path will only make sense to us. As you were saying your Junior Goodbye to me, it looked like you were about to cry and i realized that I might have had the potential to break the 8 year streak after only a month of really being friends. I almost broke down there but we were to busy being crazy for me to not be smiling. I don't even remember how the Wacky Waving Inflatable Arm Flailing Josh hug (i am so sick of writing all of that so i'm just going to start abbreviating it to the WWIAFJ hug)but i'm so glad it did, I'm pretty sure you are the only person i have a hug that crazy with and it wouldn't work with anyone else, it wouldn't feel right. I think the memory of you that will stick out the most whenever i think of you will be that day i was feeling really down so you made it your mission to cheer me up, it started working with the text that said "be ready for a cheer josh up extravaganza" That hour or so was amazing! cinnamon rolls, sobe, cookies n' creme candy bar and fantastically fun conversations worked so well to cheer me up. You've seen the more crazy side of me that not very many people see and you have taken it full stride and seemed to have fun doing so. you put up with all my worries and it helps a lot. The only thing that sucks is that most of the time we interact it is through text, we need to actually hang out more! I'm amazed at how much i'm going to miss you!
Well... that's really all that was on my mind. now i'm lonely... i guess i could go to bed...
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
what is going on?!
I don't know what's happening to me. My head is saying things I refuse to believe and my dreams are telling me others. Don't get me wrong, on average I'm a content person, but I get that feeling that i don't belong anywhere again. I hate this school... i love the theatre and choirs but i hate the school. Then there was this morning. not even a single hello from bryan just before he left. I'm going to stop being a whiny bitch now and go hang out with Alyssa because she's available and good at cheering me up.
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